Ethical?

We search the definition of Ethical and ask the U.S Consulate what they define as ethical and it seems to not fall into our current situation. Now this is of course our interpretation of our current situation and what was heard on the last phone call.
Our sweet child who we called our daughter resides in an area of Vietnam the you do not find relinquished babies. Yes some regions allow it some do not. Our daughter was abandoned and the information on her abandonment was told to us on our trip. She was left in the hospital by her birth mother with a fake name and address. So why 14 months later have we still not gotten her we do not know. We do know another agency in the region is having NO trouble so we question if it really is the region but.... six months into it we are told they have gone to the address twice and its an empty lot no one knows who the person is they are looking for. You think she does not want to be found? Then we hear nothing for months no updates nothing. Finally in June we are told get your Visa its finally done but yes the saga goes on. It really isn't done after all and weeks go by no date. We are told they have to get to the region to file but then learn they found the mother. The needle in the hay stack.
With a broken heart we ask for a new referral and wait more. We tell the agency that we are moving forward and since we have paid ALL our fee's its time. Based on the U.S requirements of abandonment she is not eligible for adoption. We are almost 2 months from requesting a new referral and still nothing. Dragging their feet? We think so, as they issue new referrals to families and agreed to replace our referral two months ago nothing. Now we are told that the mother of this little girl we called our daughter cannot, will not for reasons of her own sign. She has a right and we do not judge her. We do judge our agency who has no accepted this and says they are sending her file to the DIA to have them release her. Why not months ago why now when you have a mother refusing to sign?
The U.S Embassy will not issue her a Visa she cannot be adopted under the conditions we are told so we sit more. We have asked for ALL our money back as they have collected interest and we have 17 months later paid and gotten nowhere.
So Ethical I ask? They know that if the facts they give are true she is not adoptable yet they 2 months later have given our new referrals and tell us to wait. Wait for what?