Who makes the decision

After many months of waiting now 11 from referral we are no closer to getting our daughter we met in Nov/Dec in Can Tho. We are saddened that nothing has progressed and worse we have not gotten an update on her or any photos since shortly after we returned home. We are so happy with our little girl home with us through another agency since April 4th but still have this void. The few emails have given us no hope and then the last email. They offered to send our file to the agency who got our daughter home and part of our money. They referred to the agency by name (which was never posted on this blog) several times. We really don't want part of our money or part back over a year later or to have our dossier trashed or transferred to another agency. What we really want is our daughter.
So the dilemma is when do you realize your not going to get this baby? Is 11 months long enough to ask for a new referral or do you wait longer? Will I regret it forever if I give up hope? All this has kept me waiting and waiting. At no point have we given up hope but all of a sudden they say change agencies, wait longer (unknown time) or take a possible new referral?
If they could give us updates, news something this would help but we only know what they tell us, they say they are looking for the family of a baby abandoned in the hospital. So a needle in a haystack. Five months after seeing her and nothing. Now what?