Do you have a glass I will pour

A drink is needed for this discussion. Even for those of us who do not drink it is required. A seat should also be comfortable and padded. My husband gave no warning to any of this just said are you ready? Ready for what? He proceeds your not going to believe this.. Ok so I have both little ones and two teens with me so that is clear, I even have two of the 3 cars, am at home a quick brain check and I am thinking what fired? Do tell is this on purpose the pause and the continued you wont believe this while I have checked off all my worst case scenario's and have them all in order.... He called Faith International Adoption you know the agency who gave us a referral June 12, 2006. No your eyes did not blur at all it says 2006 because that is how long ago they gave us a soft referral. We got the get your Visa call June 2007 and nothing more. They took our money and promised us in July a very quick referral in the north when it fell apart again. Nothing and more ignored calls. August arrives and all of a sudden they are working again on our referral from last year. We took their earlier advice and asked for the money back. Thousands upon thousands they have. The DIA is going to fix it the mother wont sign. So caught up??? Now why I need a drink and you can join me .. Dear Husband calls and said "you offered our money back and wrote two letters asking for it in writing but you have not sent the money... When should we expect it back?..... Her papers have cleared the DIA do you still want her?. Right the same place you told me it cleared what 3 months ago and never went to file a G and R? Smart hubby says great but if her mom did not sign how will the U.S approve her? Oh but we will not know if she will be approved till your there and apply for the I 600. Are they kidding or is this a continuing nightmare? I am not traveling half way around the world to receive this child and be told by the U.S it is unethical. We went and saw her in December and had her for 3 weeks. Spent 3 days back and forth at the SOS clinic with 104.5 fever and then had to return her to the orphanage. Only to be accused of possibly doing something to her by the person running the program to another family. They abruptly took her from the women and said "we need to check her out to see if she is ok". Ok? Yes we walked for 3 straight days while she could not breath spent hundreds of dollars at the SOS she is ok thanks to us.
So in 9 months we have gotten no updates on her and 1 picture. This sweet little girl remains in a orphanage 1 yr longer then she should have been and missed so much. Our hearts try to heal, we try to fill the void but they just continue to dig at us.....
So where we are
472 days from referral
1 yr 3 months and 15 days
679,680 minutes
11,328 hours

BUT WHO THE HECK IS COUNTING ANYWAY.. NOT THEM THEY ACT LIKE ITS BEEN A DAY OR TWO

In search of bigger wings

Time has flown and our patience went with the time. Yes we have been left with NO alternative but to ask for our money back. Large amounts at that and hopefully since we feel they have not kept to their word so far this may be different. Why would we think so you ask? Trust which we have instilled in them for the better part of 18 months. We trusted that you sign with an agency pay your fee's and wait that you will get what they promise. A referral... a child. That did not happen and for the last 18 months we have been on a ride that the twilight zone could not have written. A referral of a precious baby girl that never cleared. Told to prepare for travel then sorry they found her mother 15 months later. New referrals promised and never given. We sit here 18 months later no closer,and more heart broken that an agency is allowed to work in adoption when they do this. Did they forget to tell us that more then 19 months into this they can just decide not to let us adopt with NO reason. Request that you pay your fee's only to give you nothing?
We have worked with another agency and brought our little girl home and they will tell you that we are honest, ethical, caring people. They enjoyed working with us enough that they in their own words look forward to us adopting from them again. So as you see it is not US. Yes we have not always had patience. We have had questions but no different than anyone else. So it is with the saddest of hearts that we move forward with another agency. See our little girl is and always be in our hearts. The referral they promised us did not happen and we see no end. If she should ever become available we have informed the U.S Embassy and we are also informing the DIA that we are approved and still want her.
We do look forward to returning to Vietnam and working with our agency once again. Our experience both in Vietnam and in he U.S was excellent.
Please say a prayer for the little girl stuck in an orphanage. She deserves more....

Ethical?

We search the definition of Ethical and ask the U.S Consulate what they define as ethical and it seems to not fall into our current situation. Now this is of course our interpretation of our current situation and what was heard on the last phone call.
Our sweet child who we called our daughter resides in an area of Vietnam the you do not find relinquished babies. Yes some regions allow it some do not. Our daughter was abandoned and the information on her abandonment was told to us on our trip. She was left in the hospital by her birth mother with a fake name and address. So why 14 months later have we still not gotten her we do not know. We do know another agency in the region is having NO trouble so we question if it really is the region but.... six months into it we are told they have gone to the address twice and its an empty lot no one knows who the person is they are looking for. You think she does not want to be found? Then we hear nothing for months no updates nothing. Finally in June we are told get your Visa its finally done but yes the saga goes on. It really isn't done after all and weeks go by no date. We are told they have to get to the region to file but then learn they found the mother. The needle in the hay stack.
With a broken heart we ask for a new referral and wait more. We tell the agency that we are moving forward and since we have paid ALL our fee's its time. Based on the U.S requirements of abandonment she is not eligible for adoption. We are almost 2 months from requesting a new referral and still nothing. Dragging their feet? We think so, as they issue new referrals to families and agreed to replace our referral two months ago nothing. Now we are told that the mother of this little girl we called our daughter cannot, will not for reasons of her own sign. She has a right and we do not judge her. We do judge our agency who has no accepted this and says they are sending her file to the DIA to have them release her. Why not months ago why now when you have a mother refusing to sign?
The U.S Embassy will not issue her a Visa she cannot be adopted under the conditions we are told so we sit more. We have asked for ALL our money back as they have collected interest and we have 17 months later paid and gotten nowhere.
So Ethical I ask? They know that if the facts they give are true she is not adoptable yet they 2 months later have given our new referrals and tell us to wait. Wait for what?

Up and Down

Over a month ago we were told that our referral of 13 months was stuck. We talked to the agency and had many discussions at home and agreed to accept a new referral as long as we can have a guarantee that if her papers ever clear we can adopt her. Sounded clear but then followed a few weeks of you will get an immediate referral and still nothing. In this time we got 1 yes one updated photo in 7 months time of our little girl. You mean they fixed her papers? No such luck. Then we got a copy of her birth certificate. I had asked for this before but never got it so now what? You mean hope? No they have no clue why it was sent to us. Still no change and no new referral. We heard they gave out 2 referrals in this time but we wait. Then we get a letter as if we just decided to do this and they have to see if they can transfer our dossier. I cannot imagine doing another dossier if she never becomes available can you? So nothing new and still waiting with many others who seem no less frustrated.
Now to our wonderful weather. How can anyone complain when you live in California? We have been lazy this summer and so enjoying it. The baby is now crawling everywhere and wants to stand up. We hope to make it to the County fair this week and we just bought tickets for the Skirball museum. They have Noah's Arc and it looks fantastic.
My big joy seems to be shopping at Costco though and there we found a cell phone that works in Vietnam. We do need to buy a sim card but this will give us a local Vietnam number which saves you from sitting in hotel rooms waiting for phone calls.
Hope your all having a great summer.

Every second counts

In a blink of an eye and today marks 4 months home with our sweet baby. She crawls all over and is determined to walk. I am not ready but she has this idea that she is. No need to sit as we can move fast to any object that will assist in getting her to the standing position. All at 9 months. We have 6 teeth with the last 4 coming in all in a weeks time. And the fun facts about my little angel...
Birthstone Opal (Hope)
Astrological Sign Scorpio
Flower Chrysanthemum
Year of the Dog
Starts Kindergarten 2012
Drives a Car 2022
Finish High School 2025
Graduates College 2029
Scary thing is that will all happen to soon. And my son
Astrological Sign Libra
Flower Calendula
Year of the Goat
Start Kindergarten 2009
Drives a car 2019
Finish High School 2022
Graduates College 2026

So as you see it will all come to fast so sit on the rug and play with your kids and give them the extra hug. The laundry will still be there tomorrow but they will be one day older and you may have missed something don't.

Long Weekends

This has to be the longest weekend I can remember. It all started out so quiet and boy did it become a weekend to remember. Our choice of puppies changed when I got a call from a friend. Being a German Shepard family I was asked if I looked at the rescue site. Sure I have searched this site as a better way to bring a dog into my parents home. See mom does not get the computer at all. I post things here for her to see ie: the dog pictures. She could not figure out for her life (love you mom) how to view them so I posted here and she only hits Internet explorer. Yes my blog is her home page.

So Saturday morning I leave my quiet home with hubby and 2 kids and we are off to the rescue place. About 1 hour later we arrive and are shown the most magnificent animals. Most being over a year and large dogs I begin to worry can my mom handle it. Several yes several hours later we leave with a 7 month old Shepard. She is missing her tail, just removed at the vets due to infection. Could we take them all, you bet we considered it.

So back home to my house 1/2 hr west of my parents to get the crate. More time in the car poor kids and we choose to relax a bit then head back. I swore off the car for the remainder of the weekend.

Ok so I must have forgotten that part as I decided to visit my sisters grave and leave her a nice present. So off Sunday morning to the cemetery with 2 kids and a good hour drive. Yes what was I thinking. This is when you say yep she asked for it. We arrive I set up my gift and the phone rings. One hour away the other direction my son 17 is being rushed to the hospital after a motorcycle accident and a broken arm. I cannot be more thankful for an easy baby as she behaved all day so well for me. Extra hugs tonight.

I can tell you I am so tired but at 12:30 cannot fall asleep I so look forward to a quiet week. Who said having 7 kids was easy?

On the adoption front I have to comment on the referral issue. Back on the top of the list would be nice. Since we should have been then I guess we should have gotten the last referral we did not. We did ask a few weeks ago where we are on the list since ALL the families before us are home or moved on. So we gave up our referral after 13 months in one region to accept a referral in another as they suggested and we know nothing. We do know the one and only person is taking a vacation in August. He said the month of August but the agency says a week. We do know that in the last 2 weeks we have gotten little to nothing from the agency. Still in the dark and still waiting. Still hoping that one day we will get our little girl in Can Tho.

How do you choose?

Danger

Can you imagine leaving home and thinking your house and animals are safe to return to this.

What I am not getting is the little yellow card stapled to a little wooden stick on the empty lot behind us. It is warning for the second year in a row that the owner must clean his lot by June 1st. I am sure they write which year, or sure hope so. This year they moved the tag to the left about 10 feet. Still weeds and it is now July 19th if you think it is so dangerous maybe you should clean the lot?

The weather is perfect as usual in California. We get a nice breeze in the afternoon that cools things down quite fast. I have been busy trying to talk my tomatoes to grow and found something in one of my pots.....

Yet you got it a watermelon. I do not have a lot of room to grow but figured why they heck not try to grow them in pots. So I have 1 cucumber, 2 watermelon, Chinese eggplant (they grown in anything) tomatoes, lemons, peaches, apples. All in a small space.

On the adoption front. You better sit for this one as I am still sitting and trying to make sense of this whole thing. Yes it gets worse but better has to come some day. We are told that dispite being abandoned with a fake name and address for the mother that they have found her. What does this mean you ask? Who knows as we really have no information. I dont even think they know what is going on to be truthful. So decisions are being made, information exchanged and hopefully we will have answers soon. If we go on the LIST again where are we? I do wonder this as we are technically ahead of anyone else since we signed long before but as you know nothing goes as we would assume here.

So what do you think the bottom or top of the list for a referral? Should we pay more since the fee's are higher?

Is this not patient?

So we are almost there. Yes just 2 hours away and we are going to hit 13. Yes it can be it has been and it will be 13 whole months since we got the referral of a 3 month old baby. Do I care that she is 16 months old today? Only that she has spent way more time in a orphanage then she needed to. Bitter? Not at all because that would mean he wins. Has my love changed for this little girl who I call my daughter? Not at all. If you ask how many kids I have you will hear 8 yes it is 8 and has been since we brought the baby home. See we got number 7 just a short 13 months ago and she holds a special place in my heart.
Now you ask why 13 months? I can tell you what we are told and I can show you the 2" thick binder with EVERY yes every email we have printed and saved. Do they make sense at all? Nope and worse is the one who suffers is a baby. I am sorry if I sound bitter but really I am not just hurt that this little person is missing out on so much. Hugs, Kisses, ABC's and even sand. Yes sand at the park at the beach or just in her shoes. How sad that someone is so selfish to put her needs aside and carry a grudge, get even, or just have a temper tantrum.
What we do know is this. About 3 weeks ago my husband got a call to get the Visa. Her papers were done. We waited for the G and R and checked in but heard no one made it to her Provence. They are busy. A family wrote the only facilitator left the country to try to start adoptions in another country. Again more families still no time. Then the letter. They always come from the same person and always have a nasty tone to them. More accusations and more hatred all warped up in an email. How this person has such hatred in him amazes me but I don't. I feel sorry for him that he uses children as pawns to stroke his ego. My husband then calls and asks the person who gave him the information who said in a nut shell.... Yes I told you to get a Visa but I don't remember telling you her papers are done. Oh well 13 months later and we are no closer how SAD.
I do appreciate the support and all the letters I got about the nasty email on the yahoo group. I assure you not only am I kind, courteous but I CARE. I will not defend myself but will say a child suffers from the lies one spreads and I will not partake in that game.
Congratulations to my friends who got referrals this month. Your children are beautiful and will bring you such joy.
Our youngest is now 8 months old and crawls. She has also figured out how to get what she wants. First the lip rolls in and the pout. Then the tears start to run and she cries. How dare you forget about me is the look. It is my children all 8 who have given me the strength to get through this. They are the ones who make every day bright. You have blessed us and we are forever grateful.
To my children thank you for the gift you have made my life so much better so much fuller and so much more loved.

The dark side

We have had such a wonderful time this summer so far. The forth was great and having our oldest meet his sister on the forth for the first time just adds to a wonderful day. Now mind you he has 3 children of his own and his children are older then their aunt but who is counting anyway?

I am so frustrated with our agency of our adoption though. You hear patience for so long and then learn that they just don't seem to care. Ok is this new? Not at all but heck at least hide it. We feel lied to for the last three weeks and wonder when or if it will ever end. This poor child suffers for what? Ok explanation sorry. First 3 weeks ago (approx) we are told her papers are done and they would go to her region to file the G and R. They have not to our knowledge yet and why you ask? Busy with other families? Seems not from what I learned from another family. She spent what 2 weeks in Vietnam and only saw the man running it 3 times. They told us over and over he was going this week now next week and it turns out he left Vietnam to go to Thailand (what a parent who just adopted said) to start a new program. Though happy for the kids you have to be kidding me.. Then we know he is back today and dear hubby calls and is told he isn't in. What they forgot to tell us is he is not in for YOU. See on a yahoo group they post that they called and spoke to him today.

My view of it all is the agency we got S. from is that much better then I ever though. They answered calls,emails and cared. They became our friends and us theirs. So CHOOSE WISELY. Our daughter suffers for what?

The ants go marching on

Picnics are fun no matter what but this one is special. Each year we get together as a group to show our kids off. These kids are special as they are from Kazakhstan and though most don't look alike they share a country few know of. We enjoy the arts and crafts, group photos and chatting. And I must laugh as we celebrate our adoption in 90 plus temps we think back to arriving in Almaty in below zero temperatures.

The kids had a blast and loved the games and bounce house. No matter how hot it gets you can still get the kids to jump run and play its amazing.

On the adoption front. Seems our agency who told us two weeks ago that papers were finally done a year later and they had to file for a G and R... Well they have not found the time to do just that and still nothing. They are to busy with other families it seems. This may have to do with the fact these families paid $3000 more to get a referral in the North. Who knows but the wait continues.

Up and Down

They say adoption is a roller coaster ride. This one is the worst roller coaster I can ever imagine then. I had resolved not to call the agency or write after several emails that would make one wonder why we are still working to get our daughter. We have put personal feelings aside and worked hard to get her.
This became the DH job to call or write them. I just learned after we returned home from Vietnam without our daughter that it was better for our whole family if I let him handle it. So last week he was excited that after all the emails a full book of them and contact with the U.S
Embassy several times, our daughters papers were done and they only needed to head down to the region to get the date. Easy right?
We have learned nothing with this is easy and again they did not do as they promised. They have ONE yes ONE staff person for all of Vietnam and he is to busy to get our date 1 year and 9 days later. I know it is far from Hanoi to HCMC but please we have waited so long from referral and your family's your with waited what 6 weeks? I am truly happy for these families but you would think the agency would at least have someone to get the date for all the families who have waited so much longer in the South.
So back to the same no date and no return phone call from the director of our agency. Guess its easier to just let someone else in the agency tell you that they still have NO DATE for you.

Ok something to be thankful for. My kids that are home I know and they are wonderful and I cannot imagine life without them.

Ahhh she is mine

We all worry in adoption about attachment. How long till they know we are mom. I have to say though I know Sierra was not attached from day one she was comfortable. She did not cry and slept through the night. One thing she did was suck her thumb though. Something others think is cute but as an adoptive mom it has a different meaning to me. I noticed it about a month ago and I thought she sucked it because she had to when she was hungry. We have gained over 2 1/2 pounds since home so she is not hungry so why still suck our thumb? This is when it dawned on me attachment. My daughter only sucks her thumb when she is really tired and fighting sleep. I noticed about 1 month ago that she was hardly sucking her thumb, this made me pay attention to when she did. When she is tired and a few times when someone else was holding her.

What my daughter also learned is how to control mom. I have never let my kids cry it out. As teens they are fine and no more spoiled then the rest. They needed me when they cried and I provided. Miss Sierra figured out if she cries mom caves in. Bed time has gotten later and later so what is a mother to do? I now lay down with her and she falls right to sleep. Amazing we are bonded (said with tears in my eyes). This little 7 month old has that sparkle in her eyes when I walk back in a room. That little giggle when she gets her way. Spoiled is ok she is my baby and I am her mom.

Making room

What a wonderful day with my two little ones. I so thought it was going to be long and hard to have no preschool and high school out. We still wake up early but somewhere I found more energy to play and clean up the mess. I wonder why no one invented a bulldozer for the house to clean up after 3 year olds though. It is amazing how many toys he can play with in one day and how many non toys he can make into toys and play with. Right now we are on a search with a flashlight before story time. You wind the flashlight and it works. Did you ever know that a flashlight can fly?

I am wondering how easy it will be with 3 children under 4 though. I did this before but I think it was one over 4 and 2 under :). Ok not by much but wow 3 kids that close together is going to make me skinny (a girl can hope)

So more encouraging news about Mai. She is 15 months old and we last saw her 6 months ago. Not a day goes by that we do not think of her and wish she was in our arms. So we hear it is possible that I may be back in Vietnam. I she will not remember us but with time hopefully she will remember the feeling of being loved again. We saw such changes in the 3 weeks we had her and I hope some of those things grew with her. At 9 months old she had no teeth and we are so sorry we missed her first tooth. Wow I am getting excited that we may actually get to see her again.

Do we buy another crib? What do you do with a 15 month old? Myles slept with us so who knows. Here is Sierra's room which the girls will share. Will have to take a better picture since I added a few things from our trip to Vietnam.

Could it be the heat?

So today we got our fingerprints done. We enter the USCIS office and they first ask for your paper that gives you permission to get fingerprinted. Then they ask you for I.D, this is where you wonder who teaches these people before they are put out to work. I hand the lady my passport, a legal identification. Now you have to know the USCIS, you will not get out of there without someone giving you a problem. This could be the chair you sat in or that you stood and did not sit. But who would think that your U.S Passport is not identification. She wants a drivers license. Easy but I lost my wallet in this house somewhere and have not found the time to look for that wonderful place I put it. She then tells me she wants California identification ummm. You have to just laugh. I have the paper sending me there, have my passport and they want what? Funny was she took the passport in the end but made no sense why it was not good to start.
Then I get home to an email from Faith International, the agency that has kept me waiting 1 year from referral for our daughter. This one says you need to send us a check made out to the USCIS office to get fingerprinted. We will send it to them and they will in turn give you an appointment. Oh then after all this they will send an updated 171H. Now you go figure this could take what 4 weeks at the soonest. What in heavens name happened to M's papers are done and they are trying to get a G and R? Should I ask what year they plain on doing this? So we just learned they have no intentions of giving us our daughter in the near future and the wait continues. ONE YEAR IS NOT ENOUGH....
Now to our regular program station... We have hit summer and it is hot outside. It is now that time of the year to find indoor activities. Some of you do this for winter but with little ones I do this in the afternoon in the summer. Today we made sand pails with foam animals and a mail box/bug catcher. Says hotter tomorrow so any good indoor activities with a 3 1/2 yr old and 7 month old?

What day is it?

Can you believe it is June. June 12th to be exact and one year since we got the referral of our daughter R. One year ago today that we found an email of a precious 3 month old that is now 15 months old and still has no mom. My heart breaks for her and all the time she has missed being hugged, kissed, read to. At times we have given up hope and other times when asked to move on was said NO. Then today a call that says are you still interested. Wonder who reads my letters to the agency saying we would not take our money back. Or the letters that said we would not transfer our file we wanted R. So one year later our baby now 15 months old has clear papers. If everyone would pray that we get a G and R and that we come up with the money to travel we would appreciate it.
RYLEE-ANN we are so much closer to getting you. The last 5 1/2 months have been so hard without you and we have not forgotten you at all.

Rejected.

What a great day, I took the kids to see Elmo/Sesame Street live. Everyone comment on how the baby almost 7 months old was just as into it as the 3 and 4 year old in our group. She didn't miss a beat and forget the nap. Now mind you we have had a rough 2 days as we are working on this one stubborn tooth. She is drooling, fussy and down right not happy about this teething thing.
So why rejected you ask? After a wonderful day with the kids my son and I are sitting and winding down. A commercial comes on for Olive Garden and I hint "wow mommy would love to go there for dinner". Ok so nothing I then said would you like to take mommy out to dinner to that restaurant? His reply "I don't have a car". I figure next best and I say but you do have a bike. "It does not have two seats though".

HOTELS

As many know we made a change in hotels while in Vietnam. Many factors played into this but we were not comfortable and when you wake up and EVERYTHING is damp its time. So pictures of our two rooms.

Hong Ngoc

Melia... Add central Air and a real mattress I will work on getting the living room photo to load sorry...

Who makes the decision

After many months of waiting now 11 from referral we are no closer to getting our daughter we met in Nov/Dec in Can Tho. We are saddened that nothing has progressed and worse we have not gotten an update on her or any photos since shortly after we returned home. We are so happy with our little girl home with us through another agency since April 4th but still have this void. The few emails have given us no hope and then the last email. They offered to send our file to the agency who got our daughter home and part of our money. They referred to the agency by name (which was never posted on this blog) several times. We really don't want part of our money or part back over a year later or to have our dossier trashed or transferred to another agency. What we really want is our daughter.
So the dilemma is when do you realize your not going to get this baby? Is 11 months long enough to ask for a new referral or do you wait longer? Will I regret it forever if I give up hope? All this has kept me waiting and waiting. At no point have we given up hope but all of a sudden they say change agencies, wait longer (unknown time) or take a possible new referral?
If they could give us updates, news something this would help but we only know what they tell us, they say they are looking for the family of a baby abandoned in the hospital. So a needle in a haystack. Five months after seeing her and nothing. Now what?

It's a Girl

8pds 2 oz of pure healthy baby girl. Add ten fingers and toes and you have Kaycia our newest addition to the family. Your asking but wait you just got home with Sierra right? Ahh this little bundle is my stepdaughters new baby born today. Our family seems to be growing in all directions. Welcome baby Kaycia to our family.